Thursday, 14 December 2017

My story so far

<img src="image.png" alt="">I'd like to start at the beginning when I was first struggling with my mental health and was so confused why. I was 13, I was anxious, depressed and labelled as naughty. School was a massive struggle having to cope with people, lots of people it was stressful, I never really enjoyed school it was not an experience I really appreciated. I was bullied a lot and generally not coping well with my emotions. I spoke out to my doctor and I spoke to a teacher I was referred to the mental health team and also to a paediatrician, that's where it all began these questions and tests on what was wrong. 
14 I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety with low mood. There is where I began my first lot of medication and therapy. 
Fluoxetine, Equaysm Xl, Ritalin. I became worse I felt awful I was so anxious I didn't go to any lessons I could not cope, I had panic attacks being around people it was too much. I turned to cannabis or weed as we called it. Finally, a decent night sleep but more anxious than ever I first started to self harm, I hated who I was I just wanted to be 'normal'. Fluoxetine made things worse for me however, my mental health team refused that it was that and kept me on it until I was 16. I finally had left school my anxiety was lots better I was finally coping I received more therapy and remained on an even path for a good few months. This was until I had to start college, back onto fluoxetine at GPs request it all began again more panic attacks! This time making me very poorly, I was throwing up every time from where I had got myself into such a state and thinking I was going to die. I lost a stone in weight in just 2 weeks. I remember one night waking up into a panic attack and thinking I was having a heart attack I dialled for an ambulance thinking I was going to die, I never want to experience another panic attack again. 
Luckily I came off the fluoxetine after this as I felt I was coping well again. 

I then started on sertraline in June 2016, this was done by my GP. Sertraline has not given me any panic attacks, HURRAY!!!! I was very low and so tired all the time, I couldn't cope my mental health was slowly taking over me, I began to sleep so much I could barely cope with my job. I quit my job, I knew if this was going to carry on I would have to. I finally got referred to the mental health team, where I spoke to a nurse and a doctor about what to do my medication was increased and I was to attempt some more therapy. 
I then seen them again a few months later for it to be increased again, I was struggling a lot and that was 3 weeks ago. I felt so suicidal I wanted to take my own life, these thoughts have finally subsided for now, although I am still struggling with self harm right now I feel I'm finally on the road to recovery by being able to blog about it. Roll on my blogs from days at therapy.

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