Wednesday, 26 September 2018

Mental Health Update

I thought today I would type up an update about my mental health and how I have been getting on since coming off antidepressants and attending my new appointments.

It’s been about 3 months since I first started weaning off my antidepressants and at first it was really difficult, the brain zaps were horrible. I was suffering from antidepressant withdrawal syndrome (an actual thing). It was really tough but after a month or so it became easier. I was supposed to take mirtazapine just after I started coming off Duloxetine but it was the worst tablet I’ve ever taken, I was a complete zombie. I’d say I’m now 2 months without antidepressants and I feel a lot better in myself in some ways but overall I don’t really notice much change, I believe this is because antidepressants aren’t designed to treat BPD so it just didn’t help me.

I’ve bwen attending my recovery team appointments for my new mental health team, they’re secondary care. I’ve only had two appointments so far but at first I wasn’t too sure how I felt about it, I just felt like I was back to square one again not sure how to recover. My second appointment we spoke about making a crisis plan, something I’ve done before but this time a lot more in depth one. We also spoke about my sleep pattern, she’s hopefully going to get one of the doctors to try me on some sleep tablets as required to help me get some decent sleep. Recently I’ve been going without sleep a lot, the worst being 30 hours awake. I’m hoping they’ll help me when I’m really struggling but hopefully not make me too drowsy when I wake up.

I’m stressed out quite a bit at the moment because I still haven’t got a start date for my job. I’m really struggling money wise as well, Job seekers doesn’t really cut all my bills and it sucks. I can’t wait to start working again, my mental health team are getting me vocational help to make sure this time I get the correct support to stay in work despite my mental health.

Some of you may already know as well that I’ve set up a YouTube account. The reason behind this is to build my confidence back up, I had it knocked a lot during school and college and never really built it back up since. This is kind of my chance to try and change that back! Here’s the link if you want to check it out and support me!

I think this just about covers my update really. I’m looking forward to more appointments with my recovery team, it seems I will be staying of medication. Although I am beginning to hallucinate so I am a little worried. Hopefully the next time I post I’ll have started work or at least got a start date!

Hannah x

Tuesday, 18 September 2018

De-stress Kit by Spiffy

De-stress Kit Review

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Recently I purchased a de-stress kit from Spiffy, I was really interested in trying it as it was something I thought I’d benefit from hugely as I do tend to not let myself distress greatly. I came across Spiffy on Facebook at first I wasn’t too sure about paying for it as it is £24.99 and although you get 10% when you first sign up I was still a bit unsure whether it would be worth the money.

I was kindly gifted it by my mum to try and she knows I stress out about life very easily so she was a fabulous mum and decided to buy me it.

I believe it came 3 days after ordering 2nd class which I was pretty amazed about it arriving so quickly but I was so excited to open it up and see how great the products were!

The de-stress kit comes with; a mindfulness book (the little book of mindfulness), de-stress aromatherapy balm, calm aromatherapy dough by MohDoh, a tea bag by Positivitea, a bath melt by Wild Olive, a heated eye mask by and a what am I worried about notepad by Spiffy.

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First impressions: I absolutely adored the box it came in, it was so cute and positive. Although I was a bit confused how to open it but I did! As you can see the box is very colourful and positive looking which is something I really loved. 

I was super excited about using these products so I first of used the balm which you just rub into your temples, wrists and neck. It smelled really relaxing and is great if you can just have a few seconds to close your eyes and take in the smell. It really helped me to relax.

I then decided to use the MohDoh after actually having a really bad trigger and feeling really di-stressed so perfect timing really! This is going to be one of my go to products from now on when feeling di-stressed, not only does it smell absolutely beautiful it also helped me to feel grounded and completely back around from feeling dissociated!                

I decided to have a relaxing evening Monday night and used the warming eye mask and the bath melt. The eye mask was lovely and didn't really have a smell, it says on the packet it lasts up to 15 minutes however, mine lasted a lot longer and it was so nice on my eyes although at times did feel a bit drying but it really helped rejuvenate my eyes. The bath melt although it wasn't massive it was a very powerful smell of lavender, which luckily I love the smell of. It really helped me relax and I actually went to sleep about an hour after my bath which is very unlike me, I normally spend all night awake.

I have also had a read of the little book of mindfulness but I am yet to practice any as it is something I struggle with but at the same time is something I want to get into! I read a small amount and it seemed really helpful and might even be beneficial when I go to work and on my break. I am also yet to use the tea bag but it smells lovely and I am sure that it will be very relaxing. The what am I worried about notepad is going to be some serious help to me, as someone who worries a lot and normally unnecessarily about things out of my control, I cannot wait to use it properly.

Overall I love the di-stress kit its really helped me to find some ways to help me take the edge of things. I definitely would recommend it and even if you aren't sure there are loads and loads of things on Spiffy's  website which are helpful for mental health, so I would really recommend checking them out! Also Spiffy have a free E-course - 7 Days to a Happier Life.

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Hannah x

Monday, 10 September 2018

A Letter to My Future Children

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Letter to my Future Children

This post is going to be a letter I wrote to my future children. Also a letter I wish I had as a teenager.

I started this letter in 2016;

Not everybody who says they love you means it, meaning not everyone is going to be around forever. Make the most of the time you get with everyone you encounter. Friends who argue are friends who genuinely care about you, just remember not to let them walk all over you and use you.

Don’t ever feel like you are not good enough because you will always be good enough for me. Life is never easy but it will be worth it, even when it no longer seems it, I promise it will.

School is hard especially if you’ve got my genes (sorry) I know some days you won’t want to go to school but I promise I’ll be here to keep you organised and to pass those horrible exams. School years aren’t exactly easy if you’re dealing with fall outs, arguments, heartbreaks and bullies or whatever else it may be but don’t let it affect your attendance of lessons, don’t repeat my mistakes of skipping lessons and having to learn from the mistakes even years later. Also not everyone will stay friends once you leave school, it doesn’t matter how many friends you have as long as they’re true friends. Also it doesn’t matter if you don’t know what career you want, sometimes people don’t really ever know until they’re there doing it.

2017 was my next entry;

I just got my C in GCSE English, 3 years after leaving secondary school. That is proof of never to give up on your dreams.

I’m trying so hard to feel positive and everything is finally starting to make sense but who knows. I guess try and be prepared although this this isn’t always the case you can’t be prepared for everything and sometimes it’s okay to cry and take a step back because not everything will work out the way we picture it in our head. It’s okay to be wrong it’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to ask for help. Don’t keep your thoughts bottled up, lesson I learnt the hard way but I understand it’s not always easy.


Life can change so quickly, sometimes nothing makes sense and sometimes the entire world can seem like a complete joke. I guess that’s just how life is sometimes is but it changes it always does. Nothing is permanent despite it feeling that way sometimes. Just do you and that’s all I’ll ever ask.

Thank you for reading my post.

Hannah x

Monday, 3 September 2018

The Start of Real Recovery Begins

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Start of Recovery

As this title suggests real recovery is finally beginning for me!

I got my appointment through the other day, I’ve finally been referred to the recovery team (secondary care). I’m super excited to start therapy and new beginnings.

I’ve come off antidepressants and I’m slowly feeling better. The withdrawal symptoms are slowly fading out, I was extremely agitated to begin with and lots of brain zaps now it’s not so much. This is the first time in 6 years I’ve not been on antidepressants so it’s a super scary journey for me.

I’ve also got a new job which I’m super excited to start, I’m going to be doing my dream job which is working as a care assistant working in a mental health hospital. The start of something amazing. I cannot wait!

I am honestly in such a better place these last couple of days, I just feel so much relief from getting a job! I haven’t really blogged much as I only really blog when I feel able to write good content. I don’t like to force my blog posts, which is why I never say how many tines I post a week or a month. It’s always going to depend on how I’m feeling.

I’m just so happy I finally feel like real recovery is beginning, I also accept that a long the way that relapses will happen as that is just life, it’s not perfect.

Thank you to everyone who continues to read my blog posts.

Hannah x

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