Monday, 19 November 2018

A Mental Health Update

My Little Update


Recently my mental health has been reasonably stable and I’ve been learning to manage things differently. I’ve been attending my pre-pre therapy appointments just before the referral process of going on to do DBT therapy. I’ve been opening up a lot about personal life to my CPN and it has been helping me a lot, I hadn’t really spoke about somethings in my life expect for those who know my in complete detail. It’s really helped me to realise a lot of my problems are external to me and things that are out of my control, I’ve also learnt that I am still struggling with sleeping at regular times. 

I’ve been offered a job 2 weeks ago, I’m hoping to get my start date this week although I am a little worried they’ll do the same as a previous job and take into account my previous job sicknesses due to choosing recovery from physical and mental health. Last year and the start of this year have been a lot to take in. I started off this year with folic acid deficiency, borderline underactive thyroid and high white blood count, as well as taking a complete dip in my mood I was at an all low. I’ve managed to stabilise my physical health as much as possible now despite now getting a diagnosis of gallstones but I can’t do much about that until I see the surgeon to see what the next step is. As for my mental health although it’s been really tough and I do still need to work on feeling a little better, I am in a lot more stable place. I’ve been self harm free for almost a month now and it’s starting to make me realise there are so many more healthier ways to resolve my thoughts and feelings. It definitely is tough but it is so worth it knowing I won’t have the regret feeling of self harm. 

I’m currently waiting to see the psychiatric for the second time to discuss if medication is a good idea again or not. Recently I’ve been so undecided whether I want medication or not because I feel a lot better in myself but I don’t feel completely better I still feel like I lack motivation and just can’t seem to find it within myself to get back to doing things I once enjoyed. It’s something I need to discuss further with them as one hour wasn’t enough to make a decision. 

I’m still unsure about blogging as I feel there is way too much competition in the blogging community now whereas before everyone used to be supportive, it’s very much everyone is against each other to be the best blogger and I just hate the vibe. If I do blog it’s going to just be an update to share how therapy is going or when I start my job or if anything exciting happens in life. 

Also want to say thank you to anyone who does still read my blog, you’re amazing and thank you for supporting me. 


Hannah x

Saturday, 3 November 2018

Why I Haven’t Been Blogging

Reasons behind why I haven't blogged...

I haven't blogged for over 3 weeks now, I haven't felt like it really and there are 2 main reasons why I haven't. 


The first reason to me not blogging is because I am focusing a lot more on looking after myself mentally and it is taking me a lot of my time to do so. I also have felt lost with my mental health as I thought I had a diagnosis of BPD (borderline personality disorder) which I have found out I don't. I feel a fraud because I don't have a single diagnosis of mental health, I just have traits of multiple mental health conditions. I feel like making up my own diagnosis, for example listing all my traits and calling it something unique. I feel unable to blog about my mental health as much because of not having a single diagnosis. I also have been doing a lot of prep ready to attend therapy, I have a book especially for DBT (dialectal behaviour therapy) which has been helping me a lot now. I am still struggling but as bad as I was when I first originally started my blog.

The second reason I haven't been blogging is because I feel like there has been no support on my blog and not much support from social media. I feel like a forgotten blogging and with that I feel like a failed blogger. I know I should just blog for fun and because I like it but when I used to get so much appreciation and support on my blog to literally half the amount it really is upsetting to see. I am trying my best to blog but the last few posts seem to just be getting less and less support so I feel like I am invisible. 

I definitely don't want to stop blogging and I do enjoy blogging! I am so glad I picked it up when I decided to look for something new to aid my recovery as it really has helped me to find some amazing support out there which I didn't know even existed. I would love to start positing more blog posts which aid my self care and a few travel and beauty posts. I've always blogging mental health but I am starting to think about this as an idea as I do use a lot of bath and beauty products. 

Thanks for reading, it means a lot 

Hannah x

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