Friday, 20 December 2019

Crisis House Admission

As most of you will probably already know I am in a crisis house for over Christmas. I’m focusing on recovery actively 24/7 whilst being in here, it’s exhausting. I am finding it really tough this time of the year to cope with everything I have been through recently. I’m so tired of recovery. I know I’ll carry on trying to recover but it’s just so hard having to focus on it all the time.

What it’s like in a crisis house, so basically to start with it's a pretty peaceful place to be, pretty quiet during the day and also the night. The evenings are full of activities and everyone is about. During the night and day everyone is either asleep or they’ve gone out. We are allowed out until 10pm but must be back by then. There’s always two members of staff on. We have support sessions every now and again focusing on areas we need work on. For mine it’s assertiveness and dealing with suicidal thoughts. We have to cook our own food although occasionally there’s food for us in the house but we have to buy our own food in. We have a fridge in our rooms and a single bed and 2 chairs and a sink. You know the basics. It’s not as safe as being in a hospital setting. However it does help build confidence and independence for looking after myself in the community.  I feel a bit like I am in limbo being in the crisis house, it’s not quite being at home but it’s not as full on as being in hospital.

On bad days it’s really hard to be in the crisis house, welfare checks are done 3 times a day everyday. Which isn’t as many as what I thought it would be but definitely can be helpful on the bad days. It’s nice not to be completely alone. It’s nice to have the company of others who are also in crisis. It’s also nice to have staff who are supportive.

I’ve been in here a week tomorrow, it’s gone so quickly. I can’t wait for Christmas day to have home leave for the night. That’s a good thing about the crisis house too, you can choose when you take home leave. I feel like I’m definitely getting something out of being in the crisis house even if it’s just friends that I’ve made here from my first visit back in November or my current visit. I’ve also been reading since being in here and I’m reading a book about borderline personality disorder and trauma. It’s really helping me connect in life reading this book.

Anyway this is just how it’s going so far and what it’s like being in a crisis house.

Hannah x

Tuesday, 3 December 2019

Dear Future Self / After Suicide Attempt

Dear Future Self,

You are loved, you are cared about, you are so important and unique. You deserve more than anything to be alive and living. You are such a special soul who deserves to see what her future holds for her. You never know what you’ll achieve in the future if you aren’t alive for it. Keep going through this hard time, pain doesn’t last forever. You will pull through. You will promise me. We’ve got to keep going because we deserve to be here. We deserve a happy future for ourself.  There’s so many people rooting you on to be that happy person. Keep going you can get through this one night or day. This too shall pass. You will make it through I promise you, you deserve nothing but the best for yourself. You are such a strong women one day you’ll look back at your struggles and smile at how bloody strong you really are. Keep going to see what future self brings you because you deserve to find out the answers to your future. The world is yours to take on. Do what makes you happy. Keep going through even the worst times of your life because this too shall pass and you will eventually feel better. I promise you. I have so much love for you because you deserve all the love in the world. You deserve to feel loved and you deserve to be at your best. So keep going. Don’t give in yet it’ll will all be worth the wait, I promise. Everything will fall into place.

Hannah x

Self Care

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