A lot of you who follow me on social media will know my main journey is recovery and focusing on they recovery of borderline personality disorder as well as trauma. I haven’t posted a blog post in ages mainly due to feeling like I just don’t have much to say anymore. I also experience a lot of brain fog so find it hard to write effectively. I also just found I didn’t have the energy for blogging.
My recovery journey started back in 2017 and undiagnosed borderline personality disorder until I was later diagnosed in March 2019 although previously diagnosed with traits of BPD for a year previously and before that with emotional dysregulation. I always struggled with a lot of things some down to being neurodivergent living with ADHD on top of a personality disorder and an anxiety disorder it was always quite hard to know what was what. In fact processionals I have worked with didn’t have a clue, I had a lot of diagnosis's thrown my way but since working with my therapist I’ve realised I don’t require any label to myself and in all honesty it doesn’t overly matter to me what my diagnosis are anymore as long as I can work on managing my symptoms with therapy that I am receiving that’s all that matters. Of course therapy won’t fix every symptom I have of the ADHD side of things but it has helped me to stop being impulsive and it has helped me learn to communicate more effectively and it has taught me skills that I never knew existed. Dialectical Behavioural Therapy really has saved me in ways I didn’t think therapy could.
I’ve had some form of therapy or counselling on and off since I was 13 in fact the amount of people I’ve worked with I can’t even count on my hands. I’m grateful for everyone who has helped me in some way whether thats helped me through a crisis, through trauma, teaching me skills, helping me to learn about myself or whether it’s just been someone to chat to. Since working with my therapist in October of 2019 I have made some huge progress with my recovery. I’ve really got to know myself and really got to know how to work on myself and learn relevant skills to improve myself and my life for of course myself and for the people in my life. Ending up in the crisis house in November and December was a serious dark time that I didn’t think I’d make it through but I did, I survived and it made me work even harder at learning skills to make peace with myself and help me love myself more and protect myself. Since March this year I came off my antipsychotic and have been completely off psychiatric medication apart from the odd diazepam or promethazine which I barely touch. Medication helped me when I needed it but overall I feel better now I’m off it, this isn’t the case for everyone but for me it just is.
I’ve still got a long way to go in my journey with borderline personality disorder but life is a lot lighter again now it’s a lot more pleasurable and enjoyable. It’s not as scary anymore and I feel like I’m finding my feet again as such, it’s like I can finally breathe again after feeling trapped out at sea in a storm. It’s a journey though something I will actively work on for my entire life, there is no final recovery destination it’s just a continuous journey throughout life. Some days will be better than others that’s just life.